Thursday, April 14, 2005
I think my feelings kinda exploded inside me last sunday. I don't usually express my feelings so opening especially if I am feeling sad or upset. I didn't have an outlet so my cooped up feelings were just tough to bear for that moment. I used to be good at supressing my feelings but since I just got it back, I have to get used to controlling them again. I think I'm getting the hang of it. Its been a year since I got a chance to feel upset, angry or sad and I think I handled it quite well. I managed to hide it so well my dad didn't even know that I was upset. Sometimes, I think my acting is too good for my own good. At least I'm no longer so numb.Today, we let someone else command during morning assembly for the first time. First time for her to command, first time for us to put her up there. Yesterday when we practiced during training, she was loud enough for me to hear her from the back of the hard court. This morning, she was just talking to herself! I was standing in the front but I could hardly hear her. The reserve commander at the back of her later told me that she was nervous. RIGHT!!! She didn't look nervous at all. She looked so calm and IGNORANT! I'm never going to put her up there again. There was no effort seen. I really wanted to make the two ommanders switch places half-way. I really hope the next few commanders will do much better. At least show some effort. . .
[DEPRESSED]