Designer: mariam
Codings: Manikka
Images: 1 2

Last sunday after service at the indoor stadium, my parents, their cell friends and I went for lunch. I wish I never went but I had to cos they were going to send me straight to taekwondo grading. The first thing which made me upset was that my dad scolded me for smsing. We were moving tables and how do u expect me to stone at a table while waiting for my parents to find another table? (we moved table 3 times!) When we finally settled down, my father (as usual) went around talking to everyone else. My blood started to boil when my mum turned to me and ask why i havent bought my food yet. (o.O)!!! We moved table THREE times how do u expect me to have time to walk around to buy food when i had to stay at the table and reserve seats? ok... so my mum sent me to buy food for myself. After walking a few rounds round the endless hawker centre, I received a call from my dad telling me to back to my seat cos he ordered chicken rice. The moment i sat down, my mum said," where is your food? daddy did not order chicken rice for u only for us (she and her cell friends). Go and buy your food" (O.o) When I walked past my dad's table he told me to sit down as he ordered my share and to tell mum that i dont have to buy my food. The internal bomb in me was about to explode. At my seat my mother insisted that she didnt order chicken rice for me as I didnt like and i was worried about being fat. What the F***!!! I'm not my sister! I can eat anything! Even if I'm worried about gaining weight I would not be so rude as to buy something else when everyone is eating the same thing! I have eaten the worst of everything and even ended up in a beijing hospital under drip because of food poisioning and I can't take chicken rice??!!! I tried to make her see my point of view and since my blood was already boiling i wasn't calm enough to put it across in a nice way. My parents SERIOUSLY lack communication, SERIOUSLY!!! My sister was out with her cell friends somewhere else. I wished the i was out to, anywhere just away from them. I rather eat alone. I bought some friend carrot cake just for show. At that time, i really didnt feel like eating anymore. My internal bomb had jus exploded. I could feel the tears starting to fill my eyes and immediately I stopped them. I was getting good at stopping my tears, too good. The fired carrot cake looked nice but it didnt taste nice, nothing did. I forced food down my throat because I had to. Because I couldnt express my feelings out, my heart took double the pain. After one long year of feeling so numb and many months for emotional and spiritual healing, I can finally feel again. When I'm getting used to having feelings again, I have to feel pain. i guess it all comes together to make u who u are. *Note: Pls don't get the wrong idea, I didn't fall into depression* ... So while I tried to force feed myself, I really need a friend to help me carry this burden. I told my friend i would call my friend later to talk to my friend about this problem. Later, i realised i couldnt call my friend because I had grading. after that, I had simmered down so i couldnt bring myself to talk about it... Yupz... so now u know why i didnt call.
Anyway, I think I should have passed my grading cos the examiner never ask us to redo so it should be fine. results will be out in a few weeks time. I'll update again soon...